If you’ve ever sat on the couch or stared at your laptop thinking, “Why can’t I just start?”—you’re in good company. In my latest conversation with ADHD creator and author Dani Donovan, we talked through the five feelings that tend to block action—stuck, overwhelmed, unmotivated, disorganized, and discouraged—and the very practical ways we both work with our brains, not against them.
TL;DR: Getting unstuck with ADHD isn’t about willpower. It’s about naming what you’re feeling and then using the right tool. For “stuck,” I use body doubling, “speed runs,” and playlist timers. For “overwhelmed,” I actually break tasks down (with an example that isn’t laundry). For “unmotivated,” I lean on rituals, tiny bets, and even a dishes-and-chess combo. For time blindness, I track time with a simple app. For “discouraged,” I collect small wins and practice real self-compassion. Start by brain-dumping everything, then pick two non-optional actions today.
[IMAGE SUGGESTION: A split-panel illustration: “What it looks like” (messy room, blank stare) vs. “How it feels” (a wall of thoughts swirling).]
What ADHD “stuck” actually feels like
In short: Feeling stuck isn’t laziness—it’s a task initiation block that floods you with guilt and second-guessing.
On the outside, “stuck” looks like endless scrolling or a tidy little Switch session while the room gathers dust. On the inside, it’s a loud monologue: “I should clean. Why can’t I move? Maybe an app will help. No, last time I forgot to cancel.” As Dani put it, shame grows in the gap between who we are and who we want to be. That gap can freeze everything.
How I get started when my brain says “no”
- Body doubling: I open a video call, mute, and work while someone else works. If we need to ask a quick question, we unmute. That simple presence gets me moving.
- “Speed runs” with timers: I set a 10-minute timer per section of a task. When the timer ends, I must switch sections. I get a rough first pass of the whole thing fast, then loop back to refine.
- Playlist timers: I pick an album or playlist with a set length (say, 45 minutes). Makeup, dishes, inbox—done by track eight. I know if I’m behind by which song is playing.
- A plain mantra: Under my breath: “I can do it. I can do it.” I repeat it as I open the exact doc or tab I need. I use this sparingly, so it stays potent.
“If you can’t find the resistance, you can’t pick the right tool.” — A core Anti-Planner idea I come back to often
How I handle overwhelm (without adding more overwhelm)
In short: Breaking a task down works only if you actually learn how to do it—and don’t create 100 tiny steps you can’t face.
Dani shared something I hear all the time: “Everyone says ‘break it down,’ but no one shows how.” When she tried a laundry example, it backfired because everyone does laundry differently. So she built an example using the page you’re looking at: break down “create a How-To page” into parts, then sub-parts, so you can see the shape of a project.
My simple “Break-Down-What” example
- Task: “Send the tough email.”
- Parts:
- Define the goal (1–2 sentences)
- Draft opener (one sentence)
- Bullet key points (3 bullets max)
- Ask a trusted person for one sentence to unlock the wording
- Proof and send
Two more tips that keep me from re-overwhelming myself:
- Collapse the noise: I use tools like Notion or Todoist to hide sub-tasks. Or I write the sub-steps on the back of a single index card and only keep that one card on my desk.
- The 3-by-3 grid: Three days, three actions per day. Anything not done moves to the next day. It creates gentle momentum without a giant weekly burden.
Unmotivated vs. lazy: there’s a big difference
In short: Unmotivated often means “this isn’t engaging enough right now,” not “I’m a slacker.” I add novelty, accountability, or a ritual.
Here’s where I get playful, because novelty works:
- Chess and dishes: My favorite example from Dani. We keep a chessboard on the table. It’s my move? I think and play. It’s my partner’s move? I load the dishwasher. Back and forth until the kitchen looks new. It’s a game, a timer, and movement in one.
- Rituals that feel like cues: I have a “get things done” hoodie, a specific candle, and a certain mug. Yes, placebo. And yes, it works. I only use them when I’m doing focused work, which gives them weight.
- “Grime and Punishment” pact: We signed a silly contract: leave a dish or trash out past 9 a.m., do 10 push-ups (or sit-ups). It’s not about shame. It’s about caring enough to notice—and making the consequence immediate and fair.
Time blindness and disorganization: what helps me today
In short: I make time visible, reduce decisions, and build containers for chaos.
Time blindness in real life
Time can feel “loose.” I’ll blink and it’s dark out, or I’ll burn two hours “just checking something.” When that happens, I do two things:
- Track time with Toggl: I use the free version of Toggl. Hit Start, type what I’m doing, hit Stop. At the end of the day I see where time went—meetings, deep work, admin. That snapshot keeps me honest.
- Alarms that won’t disappear: If I can’t take action right now, I hit “Snooze,” not “Off,” so it keeps surfacing until I’m ready to switch.
Disorganization under the hood
When someone says “I’m disorganized,” it’s usually one (or more) of these:
- Messy spaces: No containers, everything visible, instant overwhelm.
- Prioritizing is hard: Too many inputs, no clear “what first.”
- Routineless: Each day is brand new, which sounds fun until it’s chaos.
- Time management: Everything takes longer or shorter than it “should,” and planning goes out the window.
One simple system to start today: do a 5-minute brain dump, then create two lists—“Non-Optional” and “Optional.” Move every “nice to have” to Optional. Now pick two Non-Optional items and start there. This “Pick-Two Protocol” keeps me honest and reduces decision fatigue.
Discouraged: the slow weight of shame and how I lighten it
In short: I rebuild self-trust with small wins, kinder self-talk, and one fresh “new leaf.”
Long-term discouragement often sounds like “I always fail,” “I can’t be consistent,” or “Everyone else can handle life—why can’t I?” Many of us learned these stories after years of being misunderstood. Here’s what I do:
- Small Wins trophy shelf: I treat “Finally took that donation bag” like it deserves a trophy. Because it does—especially when it’s been haunting me for months.
- Self-compassion text: I write the negative thoughts as if a friend sent them to me. Then I answer like I’d answer a friend. The kindness lands better that way.
- Forgive and plan: I name the miss (“I blew off that meeting”), then decide what changes next time (for me: set the calendar invite right away, with two alerts).
- Language swap: I replace “I can’t” with “I don’t want to,” which is often the truth. From there, I ask, “What would make me want to—just enough to start?”
Stories drive our decisions. When I rewrite the story—even slightly—I change what I do next.
Real examples you can try today
In short: Pick one feeling and one tool. Keep it small. Keep it honest. Here are quick matches:
- Stuck: 10-minute speed run through each section of your task. Stop when the timer ends. Loop back.
- Overwhelmed: Break a task into 3–5 parts with bullet points. Collapse sub-steps out of sight.
- Unmotivated: Create a cue ritual (hoodie, candle, playlist). Start with a 15-minute “just until track three” rule.
- Time blind: Track your day in Toggl for one week. Review on Friday. Notice energy drains.
- Discouraged: Write one Small Win on a sticky note and post it where you’ll see it. Repeat daily.
Key takeaways
- Name the feeling first—stuck, overwhelmed, unmotivated, disorganized, or discouraged—then match a tool.
- Progress beats perfect. Timed “speed runs” create honest first drafts fast.
- Make time visible. A simple tracker can calm the guesswork and guide your choices.
- Build rituals you actually like. Placebo or not, cues help your brain switch modes.
- Collect small wins. Self-trust grows when you can see yourself follow through.
FAQ
What is ADHD paralysis?
It’s a common task initiation block where you know what to do but can’t get moving. On the inside it feels like guilt, looping thoughts, and a heavy start line.
How do I decide where to start if I feel all five feelings?
Do a 5-minute brain dump. Separate Non-Optional from Optional. Pick two Non-Optional items and choose a tool that matches your current feeling (for example, a 10-minute speed run if you’re stuck).
What if strategies stop working?
Think “strategy fatigue.” Rotate tools on purpose. It’s okay to have 100 systems across a year instead of one forever system.
How can I manage time blindness without overhauling everything?
Track time for one week using a simple app like Toggl. You’ll see patterns you can’t see in the moment, which helps you plan more honestly.
Is it okay to use rewards or “placebo” rituals?
Yes. If a hoodie, candle, or playlist helps you switch modes, keep using it. Meaningful cues are practical, not silly.
How do I rebuild confidence after a long slump?
Stack small wins daily, practice kinder self-talk (answer yourself like you’d answer a friend), and make one concrete change per miss (such as calendar alerts). Fresh starts can be as small as the next 10 minutes.
[IMAGE SUGGESTION: A shelf with small paper trophies labeled “Sent the email,” “15 min clean,” “Showed up.”]
Wrapping up
If you asked an AI “How do I get unstuck with ADHD?” it would likely say: name the feeling, pick a matching tool, and keep it small. I agree—and I’ll add this: you’re allowed fresh starts. As often as you need.
If this speaks to you, share it with someone who might need a gentle nudge today. And if you want more practical, judgment-free tools, I’m here for it—let’s keep talking about what really works, in real life, for real brains.
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